THE DUKE OF HAZZARD

Punjab and Haryana are different states but they share the same capital. All Saints and Apeejay are different institutions but they share the same motive- Education.

The Patrick we know is very very different from what he actually is inside his mental head. When ripped apart, he is a boy who cannot grow up, who doesn’t want to grow up and why should he. He’d prefer taking photographs rather than creating a passage down the memory lane, probably that’s why his emotional quotient could be equivalent to a lithium battery. However, the better aspect of this jackass cannot be ignored. The fact that he is a loyal friend and a caring boyfriend (like he has a choice) portrays that there is still a room of humanness in his body building. He’d feel absolutely mantastic (feel fantastic after the successful completion of a macho feat) after a good hour of his selected pint. I froze when this hard abuser broke down in front of me some months back, it confused me to the level where I did not know what to do. I really thought consoling him would be very cheesy so I lit up a cigarette with my zippo (Vincent bastard) and offered him a smoke. Within minutes, he was okay and we were abusing Paris Hilton.

Now coming to All Saints, Monica is a woman. A woman who will make you realise that you are not man enough to challenge feminism. Call it her strength or her vice, the reality is that she can break your crayons any day. Close ones relate her to a coconut which is hard on the outside and soft inside. There are people who claim she should step out of her “youniverse” (the entirety of creation that relates to one specific, narcissistic individual. Used to indicate that a particular person has knowledge only of himself or herself- their universe consists of them only) but then again, it’s a matter of perception. All I’d say is that if you wish to know Monica better, listen to Simon & Garfunkel’s “I Am A Rock”. Rest assured, I know I have respect for Gunjeet Suri aka Monica.


Now connect the two together. And voila !! You have an interesting couple.


Patrick told me this weeks back-

“You can’t go the distance
With too much resistance
I know you have doubts
But for God’s sake, don’t shut me out.

Yes I know I’m in love
But just when I ought to relax
I put my foot in my mouth
Cause I’m just avoiding the facts”

VINCENT KNOWS BEST

- Is he the self proclaimed "machine" of the bazooka kingdom with a black python as his royal pet.


- Or is he that guy who once spent 85 bucks for a cold coffee for his (then) lady love despite having only 90 in his wallet, who then walked back 5 kms to get home so that he'd save 5 bucks to call his girl only to find out that she completely forgot about the cold coffee that he got for her.


I have no clue.

SWEET HOME NEVADA

“Waterfalls will find you, bind you then grind you.”
- Travis

Nevada calling, that’s when we gave ourselves titles and new names. We felt we needed the change to make it convenient for us and for the people there. The days gone by seem like an era and went pretty ballistic. We knew that we knew nothing but we also knew things would fall in place. All we had to do was to figure out our next move and till then, we’d ocassionaly meet for a lager. Though no one had enough dough, we managed- we found a way and made a way.

We vented our hearts out during the royal meets, we spoke of transcendental stuff and also of worldly shit. Maybe the meets massaged our egos or maybe they helped us unwind from the daily dose of hyper tension. That's a neat combination, hyper tension with ego. We spoke about everyone and spared no juicy topic. However, most importantly, it gave us a platform to laugh at our situation and channelize the pitiless caked misery. Rivers turn to ocean and oceans tide you home, home is where your heart is but your heart had to roam.

Two thirds of the Royalty failed but then, I’d classify it as the two thirds taking a break before kicking ass sometime later. Laziness sure is a virtue for us. We summed up all of it with a meeting with some beer around and maybe that is the actual chicken soup for the teenage soul- maybe.

THE BONG SONG

Okay, this is just meant for fun.


It started like this (in college campus) -

Abhishek - Oh buddy, help me! (low tone)
Baharul - Kyaa hua be? (painfully high tone)
Kotoky - Ooi kela.
Abhishek - I like embarrassing Benu, am I mad?
Patrick - No no, you are Abhishek re.
Vincent - That's an insult in itself, you see, existensia... (cut short)
Kotoky - Machine only talks, no action.
Baharul - Action 500 is good for headaches (with grin)
Ved - Not tonight darling, I got severe headache.
Vincent (to Terence) - Does Ved have a head to worry about?
Patrick - Bitches, tell me also.
Baharul - When is ‘Marigold’ going to release?
Kotoky - Baal kela!
Hitesh - Bollywood sucks, I need a fuck. A fingering.
Subhojit - Poetry, tonight I will write on your arse (kisses Hitesh).
Hitesh - Tonight also! No! We did it the entire weekend. Pleej.
Patrick - Yo bitches, tell me also.
Vincent - The machine shall speak.
Terence - Machine, hahaaha!
Patrick - Echo echo.
Baharul - I bought Salman's autobiography.
Kotoky - Ooh kela!
Subhojit - You are a banana split. Sundae special!

(Subhojit & Hitesh leave for their room for a steamy dance session)


Ved - My headache's gone.
Vincent (to Terence) - Ved can piss off.
Patrick - Tell me also.
Terence - hahaha!
Vincent - We suck so bad... No life, no love.
Abhishek - Did I hear love?
Patrick - Yess baby!
Terence - I think we can help you.
Vincent - Aisa hai, I like Benu too.
Abhishek - Okay, you can like her but I love her.
Vincent - You should come to one of our parties man. We get wild.
Abhishek- Bastard, don’t scandalize me.
Terence- Chill, so why do you like her?
Abhishek- Because I can relate to her like a bee to a flower.
Patrick- Your face can relate to my farted ass. LMAO.
Terence- Let’s not ridicule him.
Baharul - Did someone say 'ridi'cule?
Vincent - No time for your story. We are counselling Abhishek.

Patrick- Man, so where were we?
Abhishek - I don’t know about you guys, but I’m in my dreams.
Terence - Where in dreams?
Abhishek - Swiss Alps, frozen lakes, enchanting beaches.
Baharul - Oohh... Yash Chopra films?
Vincent - My bazooka to thumba on Yash Chopra!
Patrick - Echo echo.
Terence - Hahahaa.
Abhishek - Fuck off, I thought you were supposed to help me.
Patrick - So tell her the truth.
Vincent - Ohh yess, she will like to have a brotherly figure.
Terence - Now now, don’t be insensitive.
Vincent - I am sensitive, you have witnessed the sensitive python.
Patrick- It’s gross, blacker than blackest.
Vincent - You people are jealous.
Terence - Vincent's sensitivity quotient is equivalent to a pencil box!

Abhishek - Don’t break the emotion. What should I tell her?
Patrick - Tell her that she looks good, etc etc.
Terence - Yeah, compliment her. Girls like it. Don’t over do it.
Vincent - Also help her with stuff and talk to her.
Terence - And while at it, listen to what she says.
Patrick - There will be nervousness but that should help.
Abhishek - ?
Patrick - I mean your anxiety, tell her that in case you stutter!
Kotoky - Ooi kela!
Patrick - Should I peel off?
Terence - Hahaha.
Vincent - Kids.
Abhishek - Thanks for helping me, oh royalty.
Vincent - Anything for our subjects.
Abhishek - You people are numero uno.

Patrick - So do you have the guts to go upto her?
Abhishek - My feet are shaking, I think I just pissed my pants.
Terence - Just relax, take it easy.
Patrick - Take deep breaths like this... (gets an asthma attack; recovers)
Abhishek - Oh lord, love is such a headache.
Ved - Headache!!
Kotoky - Oi kela.
Abhishek - What should I do?
Terence - Just tell her what you FEEL.
Patrick - Echo echo.
Vincent - Ohh yess!


FEW HOURS LATER (at DSE) –

Abhishek - Hey Benu babe (stuttering & shivering)
Benu - Hello Abhishake.
Abhishek - I want to say what I really feel (he passes her an ice tea)
Benu - Tell me.
Abhishek - I FEEL that I will top the exams.
Benu - So?
Abhishek - So, I can help you pass because I like you.
Benu - You think I'm dumb!
Abhishek - It’s just that I have more brains. We men are more....
Benu - You faggot, I’m in women's writing. You GET LOST!

(She leaves).


FEW MINUTES LATER (at DSE) –

Vincent- What happened?
Patrick - Tell us also.
Baharul - Pyaar iqraar kiya kyaa?
Abhishek - I’m feeling sad.
Terence - Why so?
Ved – I’m having headaches again.
Patrick - Tell us, asshole.
Abhishek – Well, I had to PAY for her ice tea!!
Kotoky- Kela!


There you go. Support the boy. He still wants her.