A FINE VALENTINE

It’s Valentines Day. Yes, we know that it’s a shite idea but here’s a post which talks of a guy’s perspective and perception of the idea.

Assembled, assorted and assumed. Don’t expect something brilliant.


SCENE I:

Vincent comes to meet Patrick and Terence with a wide grin. The grin gives away one particular pubic hair between his teeth. Knowing Vincent, he could have placed it on purpose to attract weird attention but like always, ignorance was a virtue.

Terence – Yo mofo, heard you just banged somebody.
Vincent – Oh yes. After a long time.
Patrick – Tell me also.
Vincent – Well, both of us wanted it. Wild and wicked.
Terence – What’s her name?
Vincent – Err. I don’t know man.
Terence – Tsk tsk, you are a rotten man.
Vincent – Look who’s talking!
Patrick – Ha ha. LMAO!
Vincent – Look who’s laughing.
Patrick – Hain?
Vincent – Don’t ‘hain’ me. You are not milk washed.
Patrick – Okay okay.
Terence – So, you plan to meet her again?
Vincent – No man, she said something which pissed me.
Patrick – What? Tell us also.
Vincent – Well, she suddenly got up and left.
Terence – But why?
Patrick – You must have done something stupid.
Vincent – I did not. I am a gentleman.
Terence – Did she say why she was leaving?
Vincent – She just told me one thing before storming out.
Terence – What did she say?
Patrick – Tell me also.
Vincent – ‘My ears are not handles’.


SCENE II:

A very very lazy afternoon at DSE when a women’s magazine interrupted a normal free flowing ‘abuse filled’ conversation. The magazine was called ‘Cosmina Ellgue’ which was the supposed merger between ‘Cosmopolitan’, ‘Femina’, ‘Elle’ and ‘Vogue’.
Anyway, the details aren’t necessary; unlike the power of perception. We didn’t care about the merger or the magazine but the journalist insisted and we somehow agreed to take part in the survey.


Journalist - Make love to a random woman only after you've both shared:

Subhojit - Expectations from a sexual relationship.
Baharul - Our blood-test results.
Terence - No blackmail vows.
Patrick – Time and maturity.
Vincent - Five tequila slammers.

Journalist – Foreplay is to sex as:

Baharul – A trailer is to a movie.
Patrick – A queue is to an amusement park ride.
Terence – Seeing is to reading.
Vincent – Breakfast is to dinner.

Journalist – You think today’s sensitive, caring man is:

Kotoky – Available.
Patrick – Gay.
Baharul – An oxymoron.
Terence – A moron.
Vincent – A myth (like the Bazooka).

Journalist – In the company of feminists, intercourse should be referred to:

Patrick – Making love.
Baharul – Sax.
Subhojit – Screwing.
Terence – Sex.
Vincent – The pigskin bus into tuna town.

Journalist - Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:

Baharul – A dream.
Kotoky – Bloody (broken glasses all over)
Patrick - Something my girlfriend need never find out about.
Terence – A way of life.
Vincent – Been there, done that (Yawn!).

Journalist - Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with is:

Patrick – The best part of the experience.
Baharul – A dream, sigh.
Terence – The second best thing.
Vincent – 100 bucks extra.

Journalist - What are you most likely to say at the end of a relationship?

Patrick – Sorry, better luck next time.
Baharul – We will always be good friends.
Terence – Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: YOU.
Vincent – Can we keep the sex?

Journalist - A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:

Abhishek – I don’t give a fuck.
Baharul – Hee hee, what silly questions? Uffo!
Subhojit – Is uptight and waste of time.
Hitesh – What’s your point?
Vincent – Shouldn’t have sat next to me in the bus.


SCENE III:

Anurag Kotoky, Baharul Islam and Subhojit Sanyal party one day. All of them get super drunk and wasted. They talk about things ranging from literature to history, music to sports, future to skiing. Then they fall asleep and share a bed, like usual.

Baharul wakes up next morning with a question on his face. He looks around and notices Kotoky sleeping happily between the three and Subhojit snoring next to Kotoky. He, then, holds a very inquisitive expression. The other two wake up slowly.

Baharul – Man, this is weird.
Subhojit – We shared a bed, big deal.
Baharul – Not that.
Kotoky – Then what?
Baharul – I had this vivid dream of getting a handjob.
Subhojit – What the fuck! I had the same dream.
Baharul – Kotoky, what did you dream about?
Kotoky – That’s funny.
Subhojit – Why?
Kotoky – I dreamt I was skiing.



Happy Valentines to all the ‘idiotic’ hopeless romantics.
Spread love, not AIDS.



Note – Some of the content is derived from external factors (The Internet). The artist is not to be blamed.